Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Xiankai's joke was a real stress reliever so i am adding more, of course there are morals to them too XD.
JoKe 1
A teacher instructs her fifth-grade class to ask their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end.
The next day the kids come in and share their stories. After a few students tell their stories, the rest of the class learns some of the morals you'd expect to hear, such as "don't count your chickens before they hatch" and "treat others as you'd like them to treat you."
Then it was little Timmy's turn...
“My daddy told me about my uncle Dave,” says Timmy. “He was a pilot in Vietnam and had to bail out over enemy territory with nothing but a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a knife. He drank the whiskey during the drop, then landed in the middle of 20 Charlies. He shot 15, stabbed three, and killed the last two with his bare hands.”
“What is the moral of that horrible story?” yelps the mortified teacher.
“Stay away from Uncle Dave when he’s been drinking.”
JoKe 2
An elderly man in North Carolina had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up really nice, along with some picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. When he came closer, he realized it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end to shield themselves.
One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
The old man frowned and replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
Moral of the story: Old men may move slow but can still think fast.
JoKe3
All the organs of the human body were having a meeting, trying to decide who should be the one in charge.
"I should be in charge," said the brain , "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."
"I should be in charge," said theblood, "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said thestomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge," said thelegs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."
"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."
"I should be in charge," said therectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum And insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible h eadache, the stomach was bloated, thelegs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and theblood Was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.
So what's the moral of the story?
The asshole is usually in charge!
Here are some without morals but still, as long as they are funny
JoKe 4
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"
JoKe 5
A guy walks into a coffee shop and sees President Bush and Colin Powell sitting together. He introduces himself and asks President Bush, "How goes the War effort, Sir?"
President Bush answers, "We're getting ready to kill 40 million Iraqi's and one blonde."
The guy asks in astonishment, "Why are you killing one blonde?"
President Bush turns to Colin Powell and says, "See, I told you people wouldn't care about the Iraqi's."
JoKe 6
A soldier was given the job of hunting for buffalo. To help him, he hired an Indian Scout. The two of them set off on their journey to find buffalo.
After riding awhile, the Indian gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and says "Humm, buffalo come". The soldier scans the area with his binoculars, but sees nothing.
He is confused and says to the Indian, "I do not see anything, how do you know buffalo come?"
The Indian replies, "Ear sticky".
JoKe7
This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is very dead and the guy panics. He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house, gives it a bath, blow-dries its fur, and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping that they will think it died of natural causes.A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?" The guy stumbles around and says, "Um.. no.. um.. what happened?"The neighbor replies, "We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage.
#36 Jiayue
Because We're The Cool Kids {6:05 PM}
